Review: Chloe

Chloe opens with a breathy voiceover, red nail varnish, a healthy amount of side-boob and the rolling down of suspenders in an indistinct, soft-focus boudoir. Boom: suddenly I'm a newly pubescent teenager and furtively renting Bruce Willis erotic embarrassment Color Of Night. A film that, even at that tender age of 14 (I developed late), I knew was crap. All I wanted was some porny thrills, not the shattering realisation that it was possible NOT to enjoy a film. This revelation was up right up there with finding out there's no Santa. (Thanks a lot Gremlins... Again, I developed late.)

Showgirls 2 trailer

Warning: may actually just be porn.

First trailer for Middle Men: Luke Wilson's porn movie

A Luke Wilson sex movie? Could be worse: it could star Owen Wilson.

Sex And The City 2 movie trailer

Here is a trailer for Sex And The City 2. Don't ask me why, I honestly don't know.

Sex And The City 2 poster: Carrie on sucking

New poster for Sex And The City 2 confirms all male fears: this film is definitely happening.

Review: The Girlfriend Experience

A film about the exploits of a call girl starring a real-life porn star? Hot DAMN! Sign me up for that flick! Oh wait, it's an experimental 'artsy' film by Steven I'm-between-big-budget-movies Soderbergh. (*sigh*) Okay, I guess that's good too.

Review: The Ugly Truth

Put down that well-thumbed copy of Cosmo, gentlemen: here we have a rom-com that finally promises to preach 'the truth' about love. Thank goodness! It's a well-known fact that, until Richard Curtis invented the romantic comedy, men and women didn't have the first clue how to pro-create – they basically just walked around with th...

Review: Observe And Report

Another month, another mall cop comedy. Or is it? The trailer does show current King of Comedy Seth Rogen sporting his shortest haircut ever, lusting over Anna Faris and kicking seven shades of shit out of pesky skateboarding yobs in quite the comical fashion. But look a little closer and Observe And Report is a disturbing study...

Review: He's Just Not That Into You

This shamefully sappy, overly-long romantic odyssey, based on a self-help book of the same name, promises to subvert rom-com cliché and burst wide open the so-called 'rules' of dating etiquette. The movie opens with the shocking revelation that boys who push you down in the playground really like you. The rest of the film, despi...

Review: Vicky Cristina Barcelona

As movie bylines go, 'A Film By Woody Allen' doesn't exactly scream sex. Sure, the New York neurotic has made it his life's work to dissect and devolve the physical act of love, but usually with all the romanticism of a side-burned sex-education video presenter, quizzically pointing out its bemusing affect on those who lust afte...